>oh i deleted these.

My office caught on fire! wut wut. This is how it went. There was a loud noise, and everything turned off. My computer shut off, the phones went down, the Internet died. Everyone gasped in unison. Then the generators kicked on with a whir and about half the lights were restored. We reboot our computers in an attempt to access our system, but nothing was up so we shut everything off. The bosses ordered us to go on our breaks. A few of us walked down to talk to the firemen. They informed us that the transformer blew up. Just moment later, the truck was off after another transformer that had blown up. OMIGOSH CRAZY ACTS OF OFFICE TERRORISM AMIRITE. So we walked back. I went inside the building to find that it was choked with smoke and there was a fire alarm going off somewhere. Like sheeple, my coworkers all stood around going, “where is that coming from?” and opened the ceiling panels to look for it. Valuing my life and not being a moron, I grabbed my purse and went outside. Shortly thereafter, a firetruck came barreling up the road and firemen stormed the building, demanding that everyone evacuate. It turns out there was an electrical fire spurned by a chain reaction as a result of the transformers explosions. I don’t fucking get why everyone just stood around on the second floor sucking up the smoke. And one of the supervisors actually asked me what was wrong when I covered my mouth as I left the building. Are you kidding me? Am I the only sane person there?

So we were all sent home.

And then we were ordered to work Saturday. If we were union, that would never have happened. Fucking punishing us for something that was beyond our control. Shit man, eff that noise.

On another note… Well, I don’t really want to talk about anything else. pff. I made tiramisu pancakes, wut wut.
Am I awesome or what? Scott’s reaction? “Oh my fucking god. Fuck me right now.” I think he loves me or something wonderful like that. lul

Gods, he’s so perfect. There’s no way I deserve him. I’m kind of psycho, a bit nuts. Not like it’s my fault, and when I get there, I take a step back and say, “I’m starting to feel tremendously jealous/paranoid/insert emotion, but you didn’t do a thing, so I’m trying to reign it in and all I need is for you to reassure/hold me, and it’ll be fine.” Then it goes away and we go on to do our normal thing.

I do still have to work through the demons from my past. He understands as much as he can how broken the things I’ve been through have made me. But this isn’t how I will be for the rest of my life. I’m a child, only 19 (soon to be 20). I’m working through it, just like everything else. In a few years, it will only be a memory. And Scott will be there, embracing me, having stood with me through it. Because that’s just the kind of man he is.

So yes, this is where I’m at right now. Things are going well, even though I cause shit, and they will only get better. Now I’m just waiting for the love of my life to come around.

I have a fuckton of pictures, too, including the hula show we saw, the Banyan Tree, the water I snorkeled in, the four-star hotel, the condo, etc. I don’t have pictures of the wedding, but they will be sent to me so it’s okay. They are all in my photobucket in an album titled Hawaii.

Work felt like it dragged on to infinity this week since I’d gotten back from vacation and this is a three day weekend. Now it’s the weekend woop!

Have I mentioned how much I love Scott?! Well, I love him more than anything, more than anyone. I’ve never loved anyone this much in my whole life. I am shockingly lucky to be with him because he’s absolutely stunningly perfect. /giddy He’s already decided that someday, we will have a son together. He was telling me how he’d watch my diet to make sure his son has plenty good foods to eat (Scott is really into health and longevity). I’d like this. I want to have his baby one day, and he’d make a wonderful father. He also said that we’re going to live o be 120 years old, and still be cuddling together. I told him that I belong to him forever, and my heart will never part from him, whether we stay together or not. Annnnndddd, we’re going to exchange promise rings!! Sometime in the near future. It’ll be so nice. I don’t know his ring size, ee. I look at my finger occasionally and sigh with anticipation.

Oh man, so, he’s already been teasing me that he knows what he’s doing for my birthday in August, and that it’s going to be brilliant. But he won’t tell me what it is, he’s just rubbing it in that he has something planned. I DON’T MIND THIS. xD I’m excited to see what he’s going to do.

I have the time off work, the planet ticket, the bikini, the dress. This is going to be a mad adventure. I cannot wait. (Pictures to follow, obviously)

Scott can’t come. He’s jealous, but, ah, well. It’s my first trip to Hawaii. I don’t really want to bring my boyfriend anyway. I just want to be hit on and crush the poor boys’ souls with rejection. Maybe eventually me and him will go to Hawaii together, just the two of us, basking in the rays of our love and the cool ocean breeze.

la de da de da *sighs of bliss*

Life is going according to plan, and I’m intent on staying the course.

Okay, so, things with Scott are good. Not much to say on that front. I had my ring size measured. I’m a ’7′. If you ask why, I’ll tell you it’s just good for a girl to know. But, blog, between you and me, Scott asked me how I’d react if he proposed so soon, and I told him that I’d like it, then I realised that I don’t know my ring size. Though I know he wasn’t being serious, he was just fantasizing. I’d actually prefer dating for a few years before such a thing. But I’d still like to know! A girl can dream, can’t she?

Work is all right. Evil bitch cunt is still trying to get me fired, failing miserably. Will gave me a Bonus on my next check. He is, SO NICE. Isn’t that fantastic news? I wish I could express my gratitude for his special efforts in my case. I always feel emotions stronger than I can articulate. It’s the same with my love for Scott. I feel constantly as if my words aren’t sufficient in any way. So, about work, I have half a year admin. experience now. Only five and a half more months until I have a year admin XP. I’m so glad for this.

My mother is stable.

Nothing much else has changed. I’m happy for the most part. Looking back on a year ago from now, it’s amazing how much better things are. I’ve lost weight and kept it off, have a steady good job, have a lover I truly adore, am doing well.

But today, I didn’t go to my volunteer job. ;_; I was scared!!!! I had to do a presentation. I have to call and explain…. I’m so sorry to them.

But yeah. I feel like bragging about my love. He’s absolutely brilliant. So he’s six feet tall. That in itself is perfect since I only like guys between the height of 5’11 and 6’0. Taller is meh, shorter is icky. I don’t like taller than say, 6’1, because it’s weird to me. Shorter than 5’10? Just FORGET it then, I’d be disappointed no matter what. He’s very intelligent. And he’s going to college to become a doctor. Mmmm, doctor. He’s clever, and enjoyable. We have fun. He’s also GORGEOUS. He can pull 300 lbs weight training, at the gym, you know? Talk about hot hot hot. Okay I’m done bragging.

I’m awff. Bai.

OH dang, I had other things to say, but I forget what they were. Hmm.

Hah, you know what? My love for Scott gets deeper every day. How is that even possible? It just is.

Anyway, I’m happy. I’ll update more later. Kind of just waiting for Reyna right now. Ah ah.

For starters, the boss that is basically in-bed with Stacie told me that despite my performance (which is excellent) and my extreme workload and expectations, my job was actually CREATED to take advantage of some poor dupe and they refuse to pay more than they currently are (which is AT LEAST $4 less than EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ENTIRE COMPANY). So, he basically told me, that I am a peon. But he also so that even though the other admins are making $10 more than me, I need to be able to do the exact same job any of them does. They want to maximise their use of me. I’m being taken advantage of, basically.

When I heard this, I left his office, went back to my side, crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it, then stormed out the door slamming it behind me. I tried to call Scott but he didn’t answer.

Then I went back to work, was pissy, etc.

Will, one of the managers, came up to me and asked if I needed to talk. I was going to say ‘no’, but something compelled me to say yes, so I did. I actually began bawling my eyes out to him. I told him how Stacie was bullying me and starting shit for me, gossiping and creating rumours. I told him how my boss, the director of the entire company (who is even high above the vice president, that Stacie has in her pocket), is taking advantage of me. I told him about my mother, and how we were starting the kidney donation process and she’s going on dialysis due to being in stage 5 kidney failure. He told me a few personal things. And I went on to say that I commute 4 hours a day, and it costs $10 a day, so my days are 12 hours long for less pay than an immigrant worker. He said that he can’t promise anything, but he’ll see what he can do to help me.

He is being a crusader in my name. If he succeeds and brings me to their side of the company instead of under my current boss, I will feel the protecting wing of an adult bird, me like a baby bird. I’m not saying, oh he has it for me, or anything like that. He just knows what’s fair, what is blatantly unfair, and how good my performance is. I work my ass off, and don’t fuck around. If my work was my merit, then I would never be treated as badly as I am.

On to something far more important: my mother. She’s dying of kidney disease. And the place she works is going out of business, which means that she won’t be able to start the dialysis she needs to keep her blood from poisoning her body. That also means that the kidney transplant won’t be covered. She, will die. Yes. This is really, extremely tough for me. I love my mother, so, fucking, much. I had a nightmare about her dying last night, and I was just screaming my face off and crying and screaming some more.

It’s a lot to handle, to deal with. I don’t know if I could cope with it all. So it’s not wonder that I would bawl so hard when someone, anyone, just extends a hand to me.

Just a lot of things are bad. So fixating on the good helps me out. Things like, I love Scott, and, at least I’m young and beautiful and have an entire life ahead of me.

So, get this. Stacie opened the vice president’s personally addressed mail, and, as a result, lost a $5,000 computer chip for the company. She also went into the safe to give out W2s and lost a bunch of people’s forms. Then she missed a fuckton of work. But, because she’s in-bed with the director of the company, she didn’t get a Write-up. That ugly, rude, mean, cruel, evil, dumb, manipulative bitch from Hell, has complete control over the director so she can do whatever she wants. I’ve been sick, so I missed 3 days of work, and I got a write-up. then I had to keep going to work when I was sick as shit. She didn’t get written up for all that shit, but I got written up for missing work and he told me that I needed to make a “drastic change” in my attendance. Fuck him, and fuck this job. That kind of favouritism is absolutely ridiculous. And on top of it, the bitch is trying to get me fired because she’s jealous of me. So I need to keep documentation of all of the inconsistencies, and I’m going to bring it up to the owner / top executive about what the director is doing. He’s dating and fucking one of the chicks working there, and being abed with another. It wouldn’t bother me if it didn’t affect me, but the bitch has a vendetta. It’s fucking bullshit.

So things with Scott are fucking AH-MAZING. Oh my Gods. I could die. I said, “I’m yours”. He replied, “Yes, you are. You’re mine; You belong to me.” He’s dominant. I could, just, die. This is me feeling fluttery in my chest because he owns me, and I can be his submissive little girl. And this morning, he was excited by the fact that I was wearing nothing, save for a thin, girl-style cotton shirt without a bra or panties. And he said, “It’s comforting to know this is mine.” Just thinking of him arouses me. Also, he told me that my body is perfection. He said that my body, my ass especially, is to his exact ideal. He called me perfect. He said, that he is just speechless because of it. It’s really revs me up to know that I am exactly what he wants. So here I am, blogging about how happy I am and giggling to myself. I’ll never forget that, because he called me perfect.

We were talking about a fantasy together, one involving kidnapping me, holding me hostage, Stockholm Syndrome, and murdering me. lols. Hey, whatever gets our rocks off! xD Actually, it was just fun to imagine. It was amusing. Neither of us are interested in corpses or anything, ya know. But man, he’s naughty too. He said that he loves my ass, and I’m pale so he’d love to slap it and make it all pink while he fucks it.

But I’m deviating into a really personal, kinky territory. Isn’t this my blog, though? It’s my diary! I want to brag about all the things that excite me. I want to go on and on about how Scott is an intellectual, very smart, maybe even more clever than myself, and he’s planning to become a doctor. But who knows, because all he really wants is to become wealthy. I just know that he’s ambitious. He knows what he wants out of life, and he’s going to get it. He’s just like me. We are kindred in that sense. He’s younger than me, about seven months younger. But, how could you tell when you see him, when you talk to him? He makes you forget age. Even though him being younger kind of excites me too! And his body, wow. He works out. I mean, he looks fantastic. He has darker skin, naturally, though he’s white, it’s just naturally more olive. Dark hair, dark eyes, beard, long hair, TALL! Oh my Gods, he’s tall. ~ 6′. Great features, good skin. He’s like a cup of creamed coffee. nom nom nom creamed coffee. Did I mention that he works out? At the gym all the time. Okay, so, maybe I get a little bit envious when he goes there every other day and spends however long there, because I want him to be around me, but wow, the results, and, yes. Of course, he thinks I’m slender. Well, I have lost weight. I’d call myself “healthy” slash borderline thick. But maybe that’s just my own thing. He doesn’t think there’s any possible way for me to be chubby, only that I’m healthy and fantastic looking. Did I mention that he called me a 20 out of 10?

We’ve also come to the conclusion that we feel the same way about porn, that it’s there to look at and enjoy, without judgments. Though he said he wouldn’t want any other girl, because they just couldn’t possibly be me.

Okay, so, all of this rambling and my only point is that I absolutely adore and love him, and he returns the sentiment. And I want everything to work out perfect. We even decided to create a new word to describe the faith and hope in the prosperity and longevity of a relationship. “Caeho”. It’s derived from “certain” and “hope”. The prefixes put together. It means that we both believe and hope that our relationship together will work out. We’re just fantastic for each other.